My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
