Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
