3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
