So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
