Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
