the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
