am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
