Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
