Your mouth is God's brothel.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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