..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
