Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
