shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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