i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
