I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
