Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
