The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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