there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
