I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
