i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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