Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
