I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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