The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
