That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
