Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Enjoy the penises
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
