i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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