I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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