My friends, they love my intelligence
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
