I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
