I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
