You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
