She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
