just tell him i said nine months
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
