so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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