chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Everyone says I win the strip club
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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