I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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