You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize
