yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
