i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
