i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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