your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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