It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
