my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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