My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
