are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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