Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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