yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
