I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
