If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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