somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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