He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
