She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
