Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
