You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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